If that was your dad, he is hot
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
