just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
