I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
