It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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