I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
