So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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