Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
