you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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