We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
