So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
