I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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