i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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