her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
