well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
