My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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