Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
