That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
