All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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