They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
