Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
