He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
