Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
