There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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