I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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