The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
