My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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