i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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