dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
