you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
