yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
