Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
