Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
