were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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