Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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