he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
