he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
