I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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