I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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