and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
