your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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