These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
