Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You are a genius and a whore.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
