someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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