So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
