So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
