I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Operation Purity has been aborted
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
