I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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