I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
