We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
