I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
