I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
