just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
