he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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