Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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