I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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