I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
