I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
