dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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