textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had to cum in my sink.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
