I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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