we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
