She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
