I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize