at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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