YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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