You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
