somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
