im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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