Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
