Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
