i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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